Two Ships

The sails come down as the storm of us subsides. Two ships in the night, slowly drifting their separate ways under exhaling time zones. A border wall between two lives we are finally choosing to return to. The moonlight spills across your hands, mapping the lines I no longer have the right to touch.

We are folding up this secret world
like a heavy, blood-stained cloth. It was a sanctuary built on theft, a beautiful house we ran to while our own homes grew cold and quiet.

This grief is a jagged thing in the throat. It is the death of a version of ourselves that only existed in this sea, in these hours, under the weight of a borrowed name. I am mourning the person I was with you— the one who felt chosen, even if it was a lie.

We look at each other one last time,
not with the hunger of the beginning, but with the hollow ache of the end. We are choosing the people who wait for us, the ones who deserve the honesty we spent months burning for fuel.

I step out into the night air, and the silence is sudden and absolute. I am carrying the weight of you back into a life that has no room for it, walking toward a door I shouldn’t have left, while the flash of your light house fades into the distance like a guttering flame.

The seasons turn, and your name is a stone I have carried until my pockets are frayed. The silence between us has grown teeth;
it eats the space where we used to breathe, until the memory of your voice is a thin, fading radio signal in a storm. 

I see you sometimes in the peripheral— a coat that looks like yours at the market, the way a stranger tilts their head in the rain—
and the ghost of us reaches out,
only to find the air is cold and empty.

I have learned to look away before the ache can settle into my bones.  We are living the lives we chose to save, polishing the surfaces of old routines until they shine with a forced, brittle light.

But beneath the floorboards of this normalcy, there is a hollow sound that never fills, a debt that can only be paid in absence. We are two islands now, drifting further into our own separate oceans.

The map we drew in the dark is gone, and the only thing left of the fire is the way I still check the horizon for the ship that is never there.

The static has finally settled into a hum, a sound I can live beside without flinching. I no longer reach for my phone in the theater of the night, my thumbs have forgotten the rhythm of your name.

The house I returned to is no longer a cage; it is simply the place where I keep my life, the walls familiar, the floorboards solid. The guilt that once tasted like copper has faded into a dull, weathered copper— a green patina on a statue of who we were.

I see a ship like yours and I don’t follow it. I hear our song and I don’t turn it off. I let the notes wash over me like gray rain, acknowledging the beauty of the storm while staying dry beneath my own roof.

We are ghosts that have stopped haunting. I have folded the memory of your touch into a small, neat square and tucked it away in a drawer I no longer feel the need to open.

I am whole in the silence you left behind. I am breathing the air of a life that is mine, and for the first time in years, the horizon is just the horizon.

The morning arrives without the weight of you. The sun hits the floor in a straight, clean line, and I do not look for a message in the dust motes.
The coffee is just coffee; the steam rises without forming the shape of your ghost.

There is a mercy in this ordinary light. I have stopped rehearsing the things I’d say if we ever crossed paths in the rain. The silence has lost its sharp edges and smoothed into a cool, calm lake.

I walk through my days with soft footfalls, no longer bracing for a blow or a memory. The secret we carried has finally dissolved, leaving only the quiet strength of the ground beneath a person who has come home.

It is enough to simply exist in the stillness, to be a story that has reached its final page, resting on a shelf in a room full of light.

The book is closed. The ink has dried into the paper, and the shelf is steady under its weight. There is nothing left to translate or undo;
just the soft, rhythmic sound of a life being lived in the present.

The porch light stays on for those inside, and the road beyond the driveway is just a road, leading nowhere we need to go. This peace is not a victory, but a long, slow exhale in the dark.

We have arrived at the silence
that doesn’t need to be broken.

©2026 by Mel Gutiér

Sunday, 10/27/2024

I voted today—early voting. I also tried making a handwritten entry into something called The Happiness Journal. It annoyed me, so I slammed it back on the desk. I could not and will not follow directions about my feelings and how they made me feel. Blah, blah, blah.  I have a mind of my own. It will remain a void on the bookshelf as it has been since the day I bought a year ago. Did I mention that I voted?  I did and it wasn’t anything special. I thought I would feel more… feel a sense of relief. I didn’t. It was an empty feeling. Perhaps it’s the same with that happiness journal. We’ll see what happens. That’s my go-to answer to myself. “We’ll see what happens.”

The truth is we need something to happen. I won’t speak for you. I, Mel Gutiér, need something to happen. Something drastic and miraculous. The Avengers. Yeah… the Avengers need to come in and rescue us from the hell we’ve created. We are stuck in a monotony of chaos, an uneasiness of being. It’s an awkward autophagy of the spirit. I wish so much the world were different right now. And what of my world? I wish that my world was different as well. I walk on a road full of thorns with scars driven in deeper as I move forward. I guess it is what it is. I move forward.

Yeah…

Oh my. Is this my first post coming back to this blog thing? 

I saw so many people at the grocery store today that they became blurry while I navigated the aisles. Blobs walking about their mundane life’s traffic jam. The dull existence of routine rush. At one point I forgot what I was supposed to be doing. My mind left my reality, and I couldn’t come back. I left my world as I’ve done so many times. It took me a few minutes to reset and grab the packing tape I had come to that aisle for. I had to shake my head to wake myself up. I walked out into more chaos and to an ungodly hot autumn day. I wished so much for my mind to leave me again. To go somewhere else. But… I had to drive back home and tape up a box to drive back out to drop that box at the FedEx store because it was unwanted.

Unwanted. I voted today and it made me feel empty. I thought it would feel different. It did not. I dropped off that box. I took care of others’ needs before mine while on that adventure. I waded into the shallow end of my thoughts. I don’t know what I was hoping to gain from that. It’s always better when I’m drowning, suffocating in the made-up dreams in my head. The deep flutter of fiction and escape, a butterfly swimming in dreams.

We’ll see what happens.

Hi, lovelies!