I voted today—early voting. I also tried making a handwritten entry into something called The Happiness Journal. It annoyed me, so I slammed it back on the desk. I could not and will not follow directions about my feelings and how they made me feel. Blah, blah, blah.  I have a mind of my own. It will remain a void on the bookshelf as it has been since the day I bought a year ago. Did I mention that I voted?  I did and it wasn’t anything special. I thought I would feel more… feel a sense of relief. I didn’t. It was an empty feeling. Perhaps it’s the same with that happiness journal. We’ll see what happens. That’s my go-to answer to myself. “We’ll see what happens.”

The truth is we need something to happen. I won’t speak for you. I, Mel Gutiér, need something to happen. Something drastic and miraculous. The Avengers. Yeah… the Avengers need to come in and rescue us from the hell we’ve created. We are stuck in a monotony of chaos, an uneasiness of being. It’s an awkward autophagy of the spirit. I wish so much the world were different right now. And what of my world? I wish that my world was different as well. I walk on a road full of thorns with scars driven in deeper as I move forward. I guess it is what it is. I move forward.

Yeah…

Oh my. Is this my first post coming back to this blog thing? 

I saw so many people at the grocery store today that they became blurry while I navigated the aisles. Blobs walking about their mundane life’s traffic jam. The dull existence of routine rush. At one point I forgot what I was supposed to be doing. My mind left my reality, and I couldn’t come back. I left my world as I’ve done so many times. It took me a few minutes to reset and grab the packing tape I had come to that aisle for. I had to shake my head to wake myself up. I walked out into more chaos and to an ungodly hot autumn day. I wished so much for my mind to leave me again. To go somewhere else. But… I had to drive back home and tape up a box to drive back out to drop that box at the FedEx store because it was unwanted.

Unwanted. I voted today and it made me feel empty. I thought it would feel different. It did not. I dropped off that box. I took care of others’ needs before mine while on that adventure. I waded into the shallow end of my thoughts. I don’t know what I was hoping to gain from that. It’s always better when I’m drowning, suffocating in the made-up dreams in my head. The deep flutter of fiction and escape, a butterfly swimming in dreams.

We’ll see what happens.

Hi, lovelies!